Did I mention Stove Top?

March 23, 2012


A couple of posts back I wrote about M and I being those kind of parents.  In hindsight, I feel that I may have given the incorrect impression about us – at least about our eating habits.  (Or more accurately my eating habits, I won’t presume to speak for M.)

It’s very true that we do like to make a lot of our own food rather than buy processed (though I would say that this is often done for the fun of the thing rather than the principle).  And it’s also very true that vegetables and other organic/local foods play quite a role in our diet.

But lest ye be deceived (and therefore either admire me or hate me too much, take your pick), I give you, in no particular order, the following list of stuff I eat that I really, really shouldn’t (or at least, not so often):

1. Stove Top Stuffing and scrambled egg burritos (flour tortilla thank-you very much)

Yup, read that again, it says what you think it does.  Add in some bacon or sausage and you may have one of the most delectable foodstuffs known to man.  Really.  Truffles have nothing on this.  We’ve tried using homemade stuffing (with Thanksgiving and Christmas leftovers) but to be honest it just isn’t the same.  Must be the MSG.

2. Pork products

Bacon is, of course, on everyone’s “I should eat less of that” list.  No surprise, really.  But there’s also the double-smoked pork chops that have enough salt to choke a horse.  And the salami.  And the chorizo (Mexican, not Spanish).  And the oh-wow-that-was-so-amazingly-good-because-did-you-taste-that-chunk-of-fat-in-it dry sausage from Olympic Provisions.

3. Orange juice

What’s that you say?  Orange juice is healthy?  Well… my issue is that I’ll drink it (in large, I-know-it’s-natural-but-it’s-still-a-huge-amount-sugar tumblerfulls) with anything.  Chocolate chip cookies are probably my favorite match and scratch a very special food-craving itch, but PB&J also works.  No pulp please.  If I wanted to be healthy and get the fiber and other good crap in an orange, I would eat an orange.

4. Cappuccino Power Bars

Actually, I haven’t had one of these in a very long time.  Partially because they’re hard to find in stores, and I can’t quite reconcile myself to buy them in bulk on teh interwebs.  But also because I went (mostly) caffeine free when I was preggers and haven’t fully gone back to my over-caffeinated ways since.  I don’t know what’s in these rubbery-pasty-but-somehow-creamy slabs of caffeinated goodness, I just know I like ’em.

5. Mamba Candy

I could eat these and eat these and eat these precious little pieces of vaguely-fruit-flavored wax.  They’re like Starburst, but better!  It’s all about the smell.  Also, unlike Starburst or Skittles, I like all of the flavors of Mamba.  This makes it much easier to eat them without fuss in darkened movie theaters (not like I go to the movies anymore, but that’s a different story).

6. MSG

I know this got a mention in number one above, but it really deserves its own entry.  There is a bag of MSG in my spice rack.  I have been known to cook with it on occasion.  I am ALL ABOUT THE UMAMI!  And yes, I know some people are sensitive to MSG, but that’s actually quite rare.  MSG got a bad rap!

7. Chicken in a Biskit crackers

OMFG have you had these?!?!?!?!?  A box in one sitting?  Why yes, don’t mind if I do! (though I haven’t in many a year… trying to be good…)

8. Pound Cake

The only remotely guilt-reducing aspect of this one is that we’ve learned to make our own pound cake.  Move over Entenmann’s, ours is the shizz!  Making our own means we have to make an effort before we can have some, which is better than just being able to pick one up at the store.  Still, once we’ve made one, it doesn’t last long.  Again… a whole cake in one sitting?  Why yes, I think I will!

OK, that’s enough for now.  As it is I’ve become ravenously hungry and am seriously considering number one for dinner tonight.  Let’s hope I’m too tired to make a pound cake!

So tell me… what horrible things do you eat?

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