The Solo Roadtrip. The roadtrip you take after you’ve procrastinated as long as possible because you’re not actually sure that you want to spend 5 hours in a small car with, well, yourself.
After three Frappuccinos and hastily packing clothes, I’m on my way — hair pragmatically yet attractively clipped away from my face. (It’s requisite to look good while on a Solo Roadtrip. Heaven forbid total strangers see you and know by your appearance that you couldn’t find anyone to go with you.)
I leave The City behind and find myself in a strangely good mood. I’m on 280 South and am struck by the beauty of rolling foothills covered in grasses and studded here and there with copses of oak trees that from far away look like green giants huddled over in abdominal pain. The brown hills aren’t brown — this morning they are gold and amber every other attractive variant of brown that my mind can grasp. The rare green patches of grasses put me in mind of a Disney movie — Bambi perhaps (before the forest fire, of course).
I begin to feel a driving need to be productive. Even though I’m trapped in a car for 5 hours, I am desperately searching for a way to Get Things Done. And oh! There’s so much to do. I mentally clean my house…
And geez… I’m feeling very creative. I should be getting studio time and recording music… if I only had a tape recorder I could write songs in the car…
And then I realize that three Frappuccinos was an unwise move.
Let me tell you, DUIF (driving under the influence of Frappuccinos) is just plain stupid.
Friends don’t let friends drive Frappaccinoed.
My hair has become disheveled, my eyes maniacal. I am no longer I-Am-Hip-And-Attractive-And-Just-Heading-A-Couple-Of-Exits-Down-To-Meet-My-Hunky-Boyfriend-For-Drinks-Girl. I am now Clearly-Insane-Talking-To-Herself-And-Couldn’t-Find-Anyone-To-Go-On-A-Roadtrip-With-Her-Girl.
Ah well.
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This post is a reworking of the one found here which I wrote years and years ago. It fit the prompt so well that I decided to make this an exercise in editing. What started out as 900-some-odd words is now a svelte 300. I still like the original better, but for 300 words this one doesn’t suck. If you read both this and the original, would you have edited it differently?
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November 18, 2011 at 10:44 am
This made me laugh out loud. Really funny, and really good. I want to read more.
November 18, 2011 at 2:01 pm
THIS?? I loved. Just loved her. She’s a great character,..she’s funny and witty and slightly crazy and that makes her readable. 🙂
really entertaining!!!!
November 18, 2011 at 4:54 pm
No way. That’s one of the best compliments I’ve ever received (since that character is me). Can I quote you, please? 🙂
November 18, 2011 at 3:36 pm
Ah God forsaken central California… I know her well and I know those brown (amber, gold, etc) hills well too. I thought this was really funny and I liked both pieces, but I did think the edited version was more stream lined and you didn’t lose any of the funniness from the original. Great job!
November 18, 2011 at 4:55 pm
Wow, cool, I’m glad you don’t feel that it lost much. Thanks!
November 18, 2011 at 3:40 pm
“hair pragmatically yet attractively clipped away from my face”… you phrased this so neatly… funny, cute, yet to the point.
This was great! Loads of fun to read!
November 18, 2011 at 4:56 pm
Thanks Betsy, I liked that line, too. 🙂
November 18, 2011 at 3:53 pm
HAHA! I always end up talking to myself on long car rides and people probably think I’m crazy…I just wish I had three fraps to blame it on
Nice job!
November 18, 2011 at 4:57 pm
You can always *claim* the frapps… who’s to know it’s not true? 😉
November 18, 2011 at 8:30 pm
Hilarious! Of course, after all that caffeine, it was probably time for a potty break.
I liked your description of getting hyped up on those yummy drinks!
November 21, 2011 at 11:59 am
Hahahaha, thanks! Amazingly, if memory serves, I didn’t stop at all on the way, and it was about a 5-hour drive. Maybe my bladder was also making me crazy. 🙂
November 18, 2011 at 9:00 pm
This was great! And so relatable. I always try to look better when driving alone. I think I now know why! Haha.
November 21, 2011 at 11:59 am
I know, isn’t that funny? I don’t anymore, I guess that’s what marriage and a child have done to me…
November 18, 2011 at 10:43 pm
This was too cute! I really enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing!
Lisa
November 21, 2011 at 12:00 pm
I’m glad you enjoyed it Lisa, thanks for the kind comment!
November 19, 2011 at 4:20 am
Very funny! 🙂
November 21, 2011 at 12:00 pm
Thanks!!!
November 19, 2011 at 1:43 pm
I love this! Your writing moves along at a nice energetic pace, and I feel like I’m right there with you and those three Frappuccinos!
November 21, 2011 at 12:01 pm
Thanks Valerie!! So… I guess I wasn’t driving alone after all, since you were there in spirit. 😉
November 19, 2011 at 8:41 pm
Haha. I can only imagine how many stops resulted from those Frappuccinos. Great descriptions, great job trimming the words.
November 21, 2011 at 12:03 pm
Thanks so much!!
November 20, 2011 at 7:43 pm
Hilarious! I, too, know the perils of overcaffeination (what? that’s not a word?) I generally find myself rearranging furniture when it happens, which can’t be done in a car, so I see the problem.
November 21, 2011 at 12:06 pm
Angela, that is SO a word, by my decree. And yes! Wanting to move furniture while you’re stuck in your car is exactly what it was like. 🙂
November 22, 2011 at 10:22 pm
Thank god I’m not the only one talking to herself in the car — and man I miss a solo roadtrip!
November 23, 2011 at 9:11 am
Hahahahah! Yes, you’re not alone. 🙂