Will the real slim shady please stand up

November 19, 2011

Memes, Personal Faves, Shout-Outs

If you have not yet done so, and hey there’s a good chance you haven’t ’cause it’s spankin’ new, you MUST MUST MUST go visit this site. I know, I haven’t provided the link yet. The deal is, the name is a bit naughty, and out of repspect for those readers who’d rather not go there, I’m being circumspect with it.

YES! I’m so glad you clicked through, I knew you’d be awesome that way.

Go now to http://myfuckingnameis.tumblr.com. Don’t walk, RUN!

Once there, please add to the growing hordes of disgruntled involuntary-name-moletsees.

Just in case you’re too lazy to give us one more click, here’s my entry (to learn even more about my name go here). But please, please don’t be lazy. Go show @LaurieWrites and @bklynstacy the love.

—————

OKAY PENISES, IT’S VENUS, ALREADY

on the phone
Me: Hi, this is Venus, may I help you?

Caller: Hi Sheila

Me: Actually, it’s Venus, with a “V”

Caller: Oh, sorry Vera!

Me: Let’s try this again.  It’s “Venus” like the planet.

Caller: Ohhhhh, Zena!  What a great name!

Me: WHAT FUCKING SOLAR SYSTEM DO YOU LIVE IN? V as in VERY, E as in ENOUGH, N as in NINCOMPOOP, U as in UARESTUPID, S as in SHUT UP BEFORE I DISEMBOWEL YOU.

——————————

in person, at a restaurant
Hostess: Hi, do you have a reservation?

Me: No

Hostess: OK, let me put your name down and I’ll call you when your table’s ready.

Me: OK, it’s “Venus”.

Hostess: Great, we’ll call you soon

*LOTS of time passes*

Me: Um, is my table ready yet?

New Hostess (perhaps the last one went off-shift in the intervening millennia I’ve been waiting): What’s your name?

Me: Venus

New Hostess: Hrm… let’s see… Oh!  Is your name Venice by any chance?

Me: You know what?  Yes, fine, yes it is.

People.  My name rhymes (mostly, close enough) with Penis, but I really hate to have to whip that one out to get the message across.  God knows what you’d come up with then.

My Fucking Name Is VENUS.

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6 Comments on “Will the real slim shady please stand up”

  1. Jim Lewis Says:

    OK. I admit I thought your name was a nom de plume. Venus–got it. The blogosphere is full of posers, but you’re the real deal. At least people remember your name! Nice link.

    Reply

    • Venus Says:

      Ha! It didn’t occur to me that people would think Venus is a pen name, but now that you mention it, I bet that’s *exactly* what many people think! There aren’t too many of us Venuses around, that’s for sure.

      Reply

  2. Sweaty Says:

    I would have never thought that Venus and Penis sort of rhymes together, but now that you mentioned it…. LOL

    Nah, honestly, when I heard the name Venus, I really have this image of a very beautiful and sensuous woman. That’s not a bad thing at all, isn’t it, my friend ?

    I know I’m going with the anonymous thingy, but trust me, I know the pain of having a name that’s like a disaster waiting to happen because it rhymes with quite a few things. Mine is one of them.

    Hang in there, sweetie. Next time maybe you should just say: Venus, as in the planet Venus? No, still don’t know? How about the Goddess Venus? No? Then you’re a f*cking idiot, yo. lol

    Reply

    • Venus Says:

      Ha! I should have made a note that I actually love my name and wouldn’t trade it for any other. It’s annoying sometimes, but mostly it’s a great thing to have. The only person in the world who didn’t like my name was a great-aunt who called me “Star” instead… and that was also cool so it didn’t bother me.

      Reply

  3. Jim W Says:

    I am sooooooooooo sorry!

    Reply

  4. becca bryant Says:

    I laughed so hard at this post!

    Reply

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