Bacon in my OJ?

That’s right, bacon.

Yum, bacon! Photo by Jim Scherer by way of The Boston Post

Before you get crazy, I’m not putting bacon in my juice.  You may wish to do so, I won’t stop you… but it’s not my thing.

No, I just mean that by a weird happenstance of flavor chemistry and tastebud magic, I have figured out how to make my morning OJ taste like bacon.

Here’s the deal:

1. Get some Tropicana not-from-concentrate OJ w/ added vitamins A&D, no pulp.  Oh boy, how much can you infer about me now from the OJ I drink? I’ll try not to obsess about that.  Incidentally… that whole “not-from-concentrate” thing sounds good, right?  Check this out and be prepared to be angry.  I boycotted my OJ for a whole week after reading that.  Then I got weak and caved.  Why can’t I just eat a damn orange? I don’t know, but I have more important things to worry about… like whether or not my eggs are from pastured chickens.

2. Next, brew a cup of coffee — but not just any cup!  I’ve tried many, and only one kind seems to do the trick.  San Francisco Bay French Roast coffee pods brewed by a Keurig.  I know coffee pods are inherently a wasteful way to get one’s coffee fix in the AM, but at least this brand uses less plastic.  So don’t shoot me.

3. Murder that coffee.  Go ahead, you can do it.  Put in 1.5 packets of Splenda (I know, I know, I’m going back to honey or at least plain old sugar once I run out of the Splenda I’ve already got, leave me alone already!) and a tablespoon of milk.  Your coffee is crying out in protest? I don’t care.  You want bacon, you’ve got to do the work.

4. All right, you’re almost there.  Pour a tumblerful of OJ, and take a drink.  Now take a good drink of that coffee you’ve so lovingly prepared (by pressing a button).

5. Immeditately, before you take a bite of that awesome coffee cake* or whatever other nosh you’ve got as an excuse for breakfast, take another drink of OJ.  Marvel at the interesting (but somehow wrong) velvety feel on your tongue.  And?  There it is.  Voila.  Double-smoked bacon for your drinking pleasure.

You’re welcome.

*I love SmittenKitchen.com.  Along with Bakingdom.com, they are my two go-to sites when I have an ingredient that I want to make something yummy with.  This rhubarb coffee cake is pretty fantastic, though when I make it next time I’m going to go for about half the crumb and double the cake — I just prefer a different ratio (based on a long love affair with Hobee’s coffee cake).  It looks like Smitten has a new rhubarb recipe up today – w00t!

** Photo by Jim Scherer stolen from this article at The Boston Post.  I try to steal responsibly.  Check out Jim’s site, it looks like he’s a pretty awesome food photographer based in Boston.

*** I know I’ve been absent for a while, thanks for hanging in and still reading.  I have good excuses (because, as the well-known saying goes, excuses are like assholes… everyone’s got one****).   Anyway, I’ll try not to be such a stranger.

**** Funny story… I heard my dad say that when I was in middle-school, and promptly repeated it (as I found it quite funny) to classmates one day while changing for gym class.  Unfortunately, my gym teacher overheard, and I was sent to sit on the “Yellow Bench” outside the principal’s office for a while.  I didn’t get into too much trouble.  I suspect the principal’s biggest issue was trying not to laugh when telling me not to use bad words.