Gritty.
In her mouth, in her suit, in her mind.
“When did I become such a killjoy?”
He cocked an eyebrow, and said, “What do you mean, ‘when’?”
“Pffft.”
Shelley wiggled her toes, displacing Tom’s weatherbeaten ones in the sand. She tried to re-embody childhood memories.
warmth tickling toes, laughter dancing on the air, eyes under saltwater straining to see past vast waving kelp
Tom’s eyes glanced out at the water, but his hands stayed on Shelley’s knees, his shoulders parallel across from hers as they sat. The pinky on his left hand began to wander over her skin, though he wasn’t aware of it.
“We don’t have to stay, you know,” he said.
“I know.” The wind from her sigh reached across to him. “I know. I don’t like this, but some part of me needs it. I don’t know how to explain it.”
“That’s OK boss, you just tell me what you need — you don’t have to justify why.”
She watched him watching the water. He was giving her space, she could tell. And it was true, he hadn’t asked her why she had suddenly told him that morning that she needed to go to the beach. Perhaps it had been something in her tone.
“You’re curious though. That wandering pinky rubbing a hole in my kneecap tells me so.”
He returned to looking at her, glanced down at the offending digit, and cracked a smile. “Right,” he said,”I’d have to be inhuman not to be. I’m guessing this has something to do with the dream you had last night.”
last night
She bit her lip. Last night had been amazing. She hadn’t been expecting that from him, or from herself for that matter. And she had dreamed, but she hadn’t told him about it.
“I didn’t tell you about a dream…”
“You cried. In your sleep. You were talking but I couldn’t understand you. I tried to wake you, but then whatever it was seemed to have passed, and I thought it would be better just to let you sleep. I didn’t want to embarrass you — it seemed… like a violation.”
“You’re so careful with me,” she said, leaning towards him, as if looking more closely at him would reflect back what she wanted to know about herself.
“Shelley… everything changed last night, right? And now you’re in shadow. I want to know that shadow isn’t me.”
——————————-
This fiction piece was brought to you by Red Writing Hood at Write on Edge. The prompt requested a 400-word piece showing work using a “tool” that is challenging. For me, so many things are challenging. But I was particularly working on a couple of things: 1) dialogue; 2) generating interest in characters without providing backstory; 3) foreshadowing. These are completely new characters to me, and a story has now formed (yay!) which of course, I had no time to really get into here. Hopefully, though, I’ve at least managed to get y’all curious.
I'm Not Writing A Novel 
January 27, 2012 at 3:46 pm
Oh, wow. This was awesome. I am totally curious about the dream. Their interaction felt completely natural, like you’ve been working on them for years!!
I can’t wait to read more.
February 9, 2012 at 10:29 am
Thanks so much Kristina! I’ll have to expand on the dream if I start serializing the story of these two. Though I’m not at all happy with the character names. Those were picked out of the air totally willy-nilly.
January 27, 2012 at 4:02 pm
I, too, am a little curious about the dream. But I also like the connection between the two characters. Very realistic, in a kind and gentle way. Thank you for sharing!
February 9, 2012 at 10:30 am
Thanks so much!! Their interaction is based on a relationship that I have (in feeling, not in actual historic fact) that is, as you put very well, quite gentle. I’m so glad that came across!!
January 27, 2012 at 4:35 pm
You definitely did a great job with the 3 things you were working on. The dialogue flowed very naturally and I was interested in the characters. Maybe you ARE writing a novel and you don’t know yet!
February 9, 2012 at 10:32 am
Thanks Victoria! Who knows… maybe there’s a novel in there somewhere, but I figure I’ll start small and get my feet under me first. 🙂
January 27, 2012 at 9:23 pm
Wow. Your dialogue was great–it captured the chemistry between the two of them and left me intrigued about their back story. In other words, I want more!
February 9, 2012 at 10:33 am
Yay! Thanks Tina, I am definitely contemplating a serial about them. We’ll see if it pans out!
January 28, 2012 at 1:04 am
I want to know more about these characters. I don’t want Tom to be the shadow. You certainly did what you set out to do. Dialogue was natural, the characters are interesting and why is the beach important? Would love to read more of their story.
February 9, 2012 at 10:33 am
Yeah, I don’t want him to be the shadow, either. Hopefully we’ll find out!! 🙂
January 29, 2012 at 1:20 pm
Wonderful and haunting. Way to draw a reader in and beg for more.
February 9, 2012 at 10:33 am
Thanks for the kind comment! I’ll try to deliver!
January 29, 2012 at 3:10 pm
These are your weaknesses? You pulled this off effortlessly. Very natural. More please . . .
January 30, 2012 at 11:58 am
Wow, thanks so much for the visit and the kind comment!! 🙂
February 9, 2012 at 10:34 am
Flattery will get you everywhere. 😉 Thanks so very much for visiting and the kind comment!
January 30, 2012 at 1:29 pm
This borders uncomfortably close to “romance”, but the writing is great. Now if she had a sword maybe. . . or was a wizard. . . THEN we’d be talkin’!
February 9, 2012 at 10:35 am
Yeah, I hear you on the “romance” bit. If I continue the story, I think you’d be pleasantly relieved on that score. 🙂 Though I don’t know that I’ll go all Robert Jordan on it… there are enough “high-cantled saddles” in this literary world already.
January 30, 2012 at 7:12 pm
Success all all fronts.
One teeny thing. The way you first describe Tom’s absent-minded touching makes the pinky finger seem disembodied, disconnected from his hand, his self somehow. And I promise, I feel like a total weirdo for pointing it out.
February 9, 2012 at 10:36 am
Thanks! Yes, I agree the pinky does seem disembodied. And to some extent, I wanted that, but maybe not quite to *that* extent. I want him to be unaware that his body is betraying his emotion, but I think there’s probably a better way to put it that isn’t so creepy. 🙂
January 30, 2012 at 11:36 pm
You got me curious! A great start, and now I want more! 🙂
February 9, 2012 at 10:37 am
Thanks Sweaty! I’ll see what I can do. 🙂