Hockey Recap

Last night M took me to a hockey game for my birthday (it’s not quite my bday yet, but that was the closest game we could get with good seats and an interesting opposing team). It was wonderful. We won. There were no fights, so I’m not going to write about that today. Instead I’d like you to be a fly on the wall (board? Plexiglass?) for a few moments during the evening that made me giggle. I hope they make you smile, too. My [commentary] will be emphasized so that you can tell the difference between that and what actually happened.

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Me: I like how Enroth tucks himself inside the net. [Enroth is the Sabres’ backup net-minder]
M: He’s like a hermit crab.
Me: *beersnort* Yes, yes he is.

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M: See that guy over there walking to his seat with the four Rolling Rock tallboys?
Me: [impressed with his skill in carrying them] Yeah, wow!
M: Did you see his total porn ‘stache?!?!
Me: No, I only had eyes for the Rolling Rock.
M: …havent’t seen in forever…..knew well in college…….very popular. [OK. Firstly, M mumbles a lot, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it. Next, he was facing away from me watching the game as he was speaking, and I wasn’t looking at him either. Lastly, people were hollering not nice things at a referee just at that moment. Between all of the conflicting issues, I really only heard a few words of his sentence. Right, back to the story. I’ll repeat that last bit in an attempt to restore the flow that I totally killed with this aside.]
M: …haven’t seen in forever…..knew well in college…….very popular.
Me: What, the guy or the ‘stache? [I was trying to picture M’s college buddies with porn ‘staches and was failing miserably]
M: No! *are-you-kidding-me look* The Rolling Rock.
Me: Ahhhh. Right.

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I’m In line for the ladies’ restroom. Next to me are a mom and young boy. Both have great blue-streaked hair, and temporary tattoos on their cheeks of the Sabres’ logo.
Me: Excuse me, I don’t mean to be creepy, but you guys are so cute – would you mind if I took a picture?
MomInLine: Oh, thanks! *bigsmile* But no, no pictures.
Me: Ok, enjoy the game!
Later during the game, I looked up at the jumbotron to see that same mom and little boy, bustin’ a move for the TV camera man. Now, do I be insulted that I don’t rate as high as the camera man? Also, the way the mom demurred, it seemed like something she had to say a lot. “No, no pictures.” Had I accidentally asked someone famous for their picture? Maybe a player’s wife and son? Whoever they were, I couldn’t be upset, it was nice just to see them together having so much fun. Also, there was a little bit of redemption since I wasn’t the only person to notice how cute they were. Proof I’m not creepy.

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In the ladies’ room:
Me: Jeez that was a long line.
Me: Hey wait – don’t sit on that, you have no idea where it’s been!
Me: Right. Commence operation squat.
Me: NO WAY!
Me: What? I’m busy here.
Me: Check out the shoes in the next stall over…
Me: NO WAY!
Me: See, I told you so.
Me: But why?? Are hockey games such a meat market that anyone in their right mind would wear f$&& me shoes?!?!?!
Me: Not just any f$&& me shoes, Gucci f$&& me shoes.
Me: Does she know what she’s standing in with those shoes?
Me: Oh the humanity.