Songs That Suck: Too Close

At the risk of practically repeating Literal Mom‘s post, my Song That Sucks is “Too Close” performed by NEXT.

Now look.  I’m not a prude.  I get my sexy on.  I like dancing close.  I was certainly guilty of “grinding” a little back in the day when out at a club, though that wasn’t my favorite kind of dancing (I prefer Lindy Hop thankyouverymuch).  I also really appreciate songs whose lyrics are really sophisticated euphemisms for sex – like some of the more classic swing songs that you really have to be “in the know” on and aren’t so tawdry in any case.  Those are some fun naughtiness.

But.

I really don’t want to hear about someone getting a little too excited on the dancefloor.  At least, not this graphically.  It’s a visual picture I could really just do without.  This kind of information is best left to a light-hearted conversational blog post on Things I Can’t Say.  You know… “I was out dancing the other night and YOU’LL NEVER BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED, and here’s what I’d like to say to that guy:  ‘I’m hot, I know, BUT KEEP YOUR PANTS TO YOURSELF OR WEAR A CUP.'”  Then again, I would probably just say it to him right there on the dance floor and spare you all the blog post.  Things I Can’t Say is better than that.

And then, if the guy had the nerve to tell me it was MY FAULT that he can’t control himself, that I’m just “too sexy”.  Wow.

The worst part is, I’m pretty sure there are people out there who think this song is sexy.  Who want to do some public grinding of their own to it and see what they can “inspire” (if it were done in private, why then, that’s another thing – you go with your foreplay and your bad selves!!!).  Gosh, and you know what?  If that’s what turns them on and its harmless fake sex on a dancefloor full of adults… really, who am I to say there isn’t room in this world for that.  But, damn, I REALLY don’t want to visualize it.  Really.

The lyrics, for your enjoyment collective “ewwwwww”:

I wonder if she could tell I’m hard right now, hmmm
Yeah, come on, dance for me baby, ha ha, yeah
Ut oh, you feel that? Alright
Come on, don’t stop now
You done did it, come on, uh, yeah, alright, hold on

[1] – Baby when we’re grinding
I get so excited
Ooh, how I like it
I try but I can’t fight it
Oh, you’re dancing real close
Cuz it’s real, real slow
(You know what you’re doing, don’t you)
You’re making it hard for me

All the songs on you requested
You’re dancing like you’re naked
Oh, it’s almost like we’re sexing (oh yeah)
Yeah boo, I like it
No, I can’t deny it
But I know you can tell
I’m excited, oh girl

[2] – Step back you’re dancing kinda close
I feel a little poke coming through
On you

Now girl I know you felt it
But boo, you know I can’t help it
You know what I wanna do

[Repeat 1]

Baby us dancing so close
Ain’t a good idea
Cuz I’mma want you now and here
The way that you shake it on me
Makes me want you so bad sexually
Oh girl

[Repeat 2]

Now girl I know you felt it
But boo, you know I can’t help it
You know what I wanna do

[Repeat 1]

[Repeat 1]

I love when you shake it like that, ah, ah, ah
I see that you like it like that, oh, oh, oh
I love when you shake it like that, ah, ah, ah
I see that you like it like that, oh, oh, oh

[Repeat 1 while:]

I like the way you move
You’re making me want you
Oh the way you move
I like those things you do
But you’re a little too close

[Repeat 1 until fade]

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