drunk post # 2

Ok. So I’m not exactly drunk. But I’m at least tipsy enough to have to concentrate a bit on typing.

I am empty.

Yes, it’s partially (mostly) because I’ve stopped dating safe-dancing-guy and I’m already noticing a hole in my life. But also it’s that we had a Thursday Debauch tonight. With people that are old flames, and people that I’ve wished were flames in the past, and people that I wish were flames now. And the jagged edge of rejection is just a little more jagged than normal.

It’s easy to slip into the “what’s wrong with me that no one wants me” stance. But rationally I know that not everyone is into everyone else. Some people just don’t fit together no matter how much we’d like them to do so, as participants or as observers.

I know that I’m a good and attractive person with my own flaws and my own redeeming goodnesses. I guess I’m just at that point where I wish there was someone who was into the kind of person that I am.

And on top of that, I can’t find my Princess Bride DVD. I have the case, but no actual disc. Go figure. Thing is… tonight the three “classic blunders” came into conversation. One is to never start a land war in Asia. And the last is to never bet (?) a Sicilian when death is on the line. But not one of us could remember the third classic blunder. I’m completely a wreck over this in my slightly inebriated state, and am cursing myself for the messy slob that I am.

…

I’m just so tired. Just like all the other single people out there of all ages. I’m tired of thinking I may have found someone who’ll actually like who I am. Like me enough to want to put up with me for a while. And maybe even stick around.

I’ve had to make peace with the fact that I may never find him. And while that sounds depressing, when I’m in a good frame of mind it’s a little liberating.

Just not right at this particular moment.