100 Word Songs: Breaking the Girl

March 28, 2012

100 Word Song, Creative, Memes

Tears from him.

In that hotel room, in the dark.

Unmanning me.

“I can’t… just can’t!”

His voice pleaded, pulling the sheets up, aborting the moment.

Me, Munsch’s Scream, silent, gaping.  Not breathing. Pulse frenetic.

I couldn’t hear.  Something about another girl, no — a woman.

Another woman.  He loved us both.

She in Ohio, me in San Francisco.

But he was also in Ohio.  When he wasn’t there with me, in that hotel room, a rare occurrence.

Too expensive by far, when one’s money sources were scarce.

And so.  She was his every day.

And I his remember when.

*********************************

This piece was brought to you by:

My Blog Can Beat Up Your Blog

from Kim (last week’s winner) via Lance at My Blog Can Beat Up Your Blog.  This is my first attempt at anything this short, I found it challenging in some ways, but liberating in others.  Concrit and all other commentary is always appreciated!!  And if you aren’t currently following Lance’s blog, GO DO IT NOW.

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18 Comments on “100 Word Songs: Breaking the Girl”

  1. t Says:

    I loved this all round, but “And I his remember when.” I loved the most.

    Reply

  2. tashtoo Says:

    Damn…that finish is brutal! Fantastic play with the challenge!

    Reply

  3. Lance Says:

    great, gut punching, amazing, last line.

    I love it. welcome back to the challenge. Leeroy is extra happy.

    Reply

  4. TheKirCorner Says:

    I love how we wrote about the same kind of things, Hotel rooms, near adultery. You did it so well.

    I think you did a fantastic job, that last line was perfect.

    Reply

  5. Carrie Says:

    Oh, that last line. Amazing. So much stuffed into those few words.

    Awesome

    Reply

  6. Tara R. Says:

    Your image of Munsch’s Scream was perfect. And, I agree… that last line said it all.

    Reply

  7. LetMeStartBySaying (@LetMeStart) Says:

    Oh my God, those last 2 lines. Those. Last. Two. LINES. Brilliant.
    Came from the 100 Word Song linkup.

    Reply

  8. Eric Storch Says:

    Seems as if “last lines” are what make a good 100 Word Song. Yours isn’t good though, it’s great!

    Reply

  9. Cameron Says:

    “And so. She was his every day.

    And I his remember when.”

    That right there is just perfect.

    Reply

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